they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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