I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
