There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
