He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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