So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
