So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I could fuck to npr.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
