jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
