We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
This is my gift to your gina
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
