The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
