I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
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