No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
