Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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