He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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