Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
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