Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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