my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
