I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
