Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i was born a porn star she said
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
