He is such a slut. More and more my type.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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