I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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