I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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