We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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