Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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