After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
He's a Shit stain on my heart
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize