Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
