hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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