Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
