she was so not down for the gang bang
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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