Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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