Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
