peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
