I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
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