OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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