I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
