she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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