I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
