i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
