In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
