Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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