I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
