Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
