there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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