I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
