Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
