Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
