he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
He did a backflip because drugs
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
