I want to have your abortion
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
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