i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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