Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
