the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
