All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize