Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
