She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Randomize
