He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize