if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
