Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize