I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
