I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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