Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
