You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize