Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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