U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
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