peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
