apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
