dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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