They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
