i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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