I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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