Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize