So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
