I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize