Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Of course I have a pirate flag
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
