theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Let's get the cat blown out
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
