I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
