I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
