i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Randomize
