Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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