I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
True but thats because hes a fetus.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
