Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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