He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
