Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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