My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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