you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
