Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
