That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
