somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
