so that wasnt chicken after all
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
They should really pass out barf bags in church
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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