she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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