I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
