I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
