Slut skills are useful in every country.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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