I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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